So You Wanna Be Prey.


the Wolf


Maybe it's something you're trying to figure out, and maybe it's something you've already admitted to yourself and come to terms with. But either way, the signs have been there a long time. The sight of a wide open maw when some big predator yawns makes you tingle. You can't see a big, round belly without wanting to rub it and wonder what it's like just on the other side of that stretched dome. The sound of a rumbling stomach or of someone's lips smacking when they enjoy a good meal just sends a shiver all through your body. You know it, whether deep down or always on your mind, you want to take that big plunge and be someone's prey.


Careful though. Before you go rushing out the door wearing a little strawberry cologne or barbecue sauce perfume to hang out in a pred-heavy bar, before you start advertising your address and how tasty you are on the local forums, there are some important things to consider. Here's just a few of the necessary points to remember once you've admitted to yourself that you want to be a meal.


Having Your Affairs in Order


I know, no one likes to think about this part, but you're looking at getting eaten, and this is a big one. Naturally, this is of special importance to you few folks that only get to do this trick once and are still going for it. If you've really decided that your last act on Earth is going to be enjoying the feel of a soft stomach churning around you, you definitely need to make sure everything is ready before you rush out and get swallowed. Do you have relatives that need to be informed somehow that you let yourself be gobbled up by a hungry Doberman, and that it's what you wanted? Do you have a pet that needs to be cared for once you're turned into a bit of panda pudge? It's horribly irresponsible to let yourself get eaten and let Mittens starve in your apartment. What about that apartment? What about your stuff? Is there a job that wonders where you are on Monday while some buff horse is at the gym, using your protein to build more muscle? There are so many other things that need to be considered, you'll want to make a list of everything that should be covered in your life should you disappear, then have a packet set to be delivered and start the process if you don't show up in regular places for a certain number of days. At least you can likely cross "burial expenses" off the list.


But maybe you don't think you need this. Maybe you don't plan on going out anytime soon because you plan to vet every predator and make sure they're one of those reforming types. Or possibly you're a rare one that has some method of reforming yourself. You're smart, you're confident, you're a survivor; you just happen to like the idea or feeling of being squeezed down a tight gullet into a warm, waiting stomach. Well, as I'm fond of doing, let's sum this up in two words: accidents happen.


Being honest, willingly becoming someone's food is a risky proposition no matter how many talents and safeguards you have. You did everything right, had that lion show you his certificate before you decided to go home with him and play "Naked on the Savannah". Too bad it was a really good forgery and you'd already had a few drinks. Maybe your friends will warn others, if they were out with you, but you've still left a mess of your life to sort through. You and that gator talked it all out and she genuinely intends to bring you back for snuggles afterwards. Then she feels truly awful that you were that one-in-a-million time that something went wrong and you didn't come back. And now she doesn't even know who to call or what to do but sulk for a day or two that you're gone.


Bottom line, if you're looking to get swallowed, look first into making all the proper arrangements just in case. Besides, it's really something everyone should do early on when random acts of predation can occur.


Finding the Right Predator


So with that heavy topic out of the way, let's get to the fun stuff for you. Whether it's your last ride or going to be a typical Saturday night, you've come to terms with the fact that you want to be a meal. But to whom? And what kind of meal? Figuring out who gets to munch on you is an important decision, especially for your first time, and especially for you one-and-done types. If you only get to do this once, it better be absolutely perfect. So let's just go down a few of the ways you may find yourself making this important choice and how to go about it.


Indiscriminate: The simple fact is, you don't care how it happens or have a specific preference who does it. You just want to slide down someone's throat (or possibly into somewhere else on their body) and you want to do it soon. If you're not incredibly discerning, you have it the easiest of all the prey. Just go to the right bars and clubs, make it clear that you're eyeballing jaws and bellies, and there's a good bet someone there would be drooling over you pretty soon.


You likely already know where the preds hang out, though if you want a better shot at finding someone who'll bring you back, I'd suggest finding a hot spot where fellow willing prey like to congregate. It may sound like you have more competition there, but others can sometimes introduce you to the right predators for you and warn you about dangerous types. Depending on your body type, it may take a little time to spot the right guy or girl to gulp you, but since you're not that choosy, odds are you can find a predator with the same mindset and work something out.


Species Specific: So maybe you have at least some criteria. Suppose the only thing that really gets you going is the idea of being wrapped in an elephant's trunk and shoved into that wide-open maw. What if there was a burly tiger that bullied you all through high school, and you secretly always wished he'd just gobble you down, so you want to relive it the right way? Whatever your thing, you have a particular species that you want to feed. In this case, you can still do the bar scene with a moderate level of success … depending on how rare that species is.


Big bad wolves and hungry bears are easy enough to find, but what if you dream specifically of a sloth or even a mouse patting a belly full of you? Harder to find, but not impossible. This is where you go to the Internet and forums. It will likely take a little longer, but if you put yourself out there as a potential meal, the right species is bound to come along. And whether it's your first time or your only time, I'd think it would be worth it to get just what you want out of being food.


Body Types: Another something to think about and figure out how much this matters to you. Would you rather bloat some skinny otter to impossible proportions or get lost in a BBW hippo's fat? Maybe it doesn't matter to you, maybe it's the only thing that matters, but you have to factor it in and figure out what it means to your experience. Granted, once you're tucked into the stomach, you won't know the difference, but we all know a big part of being prey is what you picture in your head. Here is another area that kind of goes hand-in-hand with the one above. The bar can be good, but for specifics, the Internet is a little better.


For both of these, it's also handy to make friends with other willing prey, especially when you plan to go for reforming. Often, they've been through it too, and many aren't overly possessive about steering you in the right direction. Like any group, you'll probably meet the occasional pain in the ass, but a social circle can really help you wind up with the right predator and the right gut for you.


Complex Scenarios: Ah yes, it's played out in your head a million times. Soft music, romantic candlelight, you stretch out on the table, your elusive mystery female slips into the room in lingerie and slowly begins to eat you whole. Or it could be you tied up in a pan while a bull in a chef's coat talks to an imaginary (or real) camera like you're the main course in a cooking show before carting you over to a table. Whatever it is, it's the only way you ever really enjoy this idea and you so want someone to do it to you.


Hate to say it, but you have the toughest time of all. Bars are largely out because just about any predator there is looking for a quickie in some form or fashion. Even the ones that want to take you home and snuggle before the meal aren't likely invested in that kind of elaborate arrangement. Your best bet is to put the scenario you really want up on a message board and see if anyone local wants to play it out with you. You might get lucky and find an enthusiastic person that wants to be on the other side of exactly the same thing. One thing I wouldn't recommend is being picky about species and/or body type with this one, because you can wait a long time and miss a lot of opportunities for your perfect scenario if you toss in that it absolutely has to be a skinny rat eating you in just this way.


Another bit of advice when you put this out there: put up a picture, and make it an appetizing one. I may not be completely into your trapped superhero roleplay before the actual eating, but for a good-looking meal that I don't have to hunt, trick, or trap, I'll put on a cloak and give a few taunting, maniacal laughs. Entice a predator early, and you can usually talk them into at least a few things with the promise of a good dinner at the end.


Potential Complications


As with anything, but especially with trying to get yourself eaten in the right way, there are a number of pitfalls to be aware of it. What follows isn't even an exhaustive list, it's just a couple of your top concerns as someone who wants to be dinner.


Pred Not As Advertised: Yes, when you answered the response to your forum ad, you saw the picture of that sexy female rabbit. You chatted with her several afternoons and evenings about your fantasy and how she'd just love the role reversal of eating a bobcat like you. She said she always brings back her meals. You went to the address she gave you: a nice secluded place on the edge of a suburb. Imagine your surprise when the door opens to reveal a six-foot tall, muscle-bound badger that grabs you by the scruff of the neck, drags you inside, and proceeds to eat you in the space of a few chomps only to digest you alive and never bring you back. Why should he? You were an easy, gullible (and gulpable) meal.


I get it, prey folks. I know you're excited. I know it feels like your whole life has been leading up to this and you finally have a shot at living out your dream. I know when you have that first shot, you want to rush right out there and find your perfect meal time. But for the sake of your own experience, vet your pred thoroughly.


One of the many ways any predator is used to eating is trickery, and the prey dating scene is no different. It's just how the game has been played for so long that some people can't get out of it. I even knew one predator that kept a collection of pictures on his computer just so he could fool any given prey into thinking he was their dream. Some of those pictures were even of prey he'd eaten, taken just before gobbling them down. I may not believe in doing that sort of thing, but it's out there, and as a willing prey, you need to know about it.


So when that dream predator from online insists that they're ready to meet in the old, abandoned shack fifty miles out of town, insist on meeting them first in a neutral, public place that isn't predation-friendly. Invest in a background check on them to at least look into the chances that they're lying or have a true criminal history. Do your due diligence to make sure you're getting what's been presented online. Hell, that's just good advice for dating in general if you don't want to be a meal, but especially if your goal is courting predators.


Experience Not As Envisioned: This is a problem that a lot of reforming prey run into the first time out. It's also something to be aware of if you decide you're going out this way, but if you've reached that point, you probably won't be dissuaded by anything I say here. Still, just keep it in mind as you're considering giving your life to that hungry cheetah you meet online.


Many people that decide they want to be prey have their own fantasy version of what it will be like inside that bloated, sexy belly of their dream predator. They picture a soft, easy slide that will pamper them like a massage. They think of a warm, sauna-like stomach where they can kick back, relax, and maybe even chat it up with their predator and give him or her a few little kicks and rubs while they wait to come back (or not). And some of you may even find this through those few augmented folks out there or simply deluding yourself enough to make you think that's what you're getting.


But for most of you, here's your reality check. Plenty of teeth scrape as they're going by, even if the predator tries to avoid it, leaving little cuts here and there. The throat and gullet are a long, slimy vice designed for the sole purpose of squeezing you as tight as they can to shove you down into that fox's stomach. The actual stomach is a skintight, often airtight, hot, fleshy chamber whose sole purpose is to contain you and slowly melt you down into your base nutrients. Once you're inside, it's a little late to change your mind when it's not the warm, cozy place you imagined, because your predator can't hear you beyond some muffled noises and likely wouldn't let you out even if they could.


Odds are that you're probably completely undaunted by this, that the desire is way too strong to deny even if you realize all that. It's just important to ask yourself if you actually want to be prey, or if what you really want is to roleplay the trappings of being prey.




Now I'm sure some of you reading this read my column for predators: "Willing Prey: Right for You?" for one reason or another. In that, I covered some of the predator concerns about preds that fall for their prey and the potential for relationships. Well, as potential prey, you have your own concerns surrounding this. Enough that it gets its own section. Now this info really only applies to actually starting a relationship, not much to do if your predator decides it's better to leave you before dealing with regrets.


Non-Reforming: First off, for you folks that originally planned to just let this be the culmination of your life. I've talked to some people, and I know it can be so flattering when your dream predator comes out and says they'd rather date you than dine on you. It can sweep away all your plans and make you think this life will be worth living longer.


Well, this can honestly be a good relationship, especially since given your previous plans, those years with someone that might love you are just gravy. Or icing depending on your flavor. The reality though, and you'll start to feel it pretty quick, is that both the relationship and you have a natural shelf life. As affection grows, desire grows, which means appetite grows. On both sides. The hotter the relationship gets, the more you both want that complete consummation (on so many levels) that you started off by thinking about. Your predatory mate will be drooling over you, and you'll dream of feeding them until neither of you can resist it anymore.


In that situation, if you two are really going to try and make a go of it, my advice is to just enjoy it while it lasts and admit to yourself that this is just pleasant, extra time until you finally wind up as your lover's favorite dish. I mean really, you were already planning to go that way, so you may as well not sweat it when it finally does happen.


One extra word though. If the relationship truly starts to get rocky, either get out and get gone or choose to set up a dinner date to finish what you started in some kind of pleasant fashion. Because you seriously don't want to deal with this kind of bad break-up.


Reforming: Now here, you have a lot more potential for a long, happy, and healthy relationship. As I've said before, I know several couples for whom this is a way of life and they wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, they have their spats and their problems like anyone else, but the relationship is solid and the prey one always comes back for our card game parties the next week.


One of the things about this is that communication is key. It may sound odd, but in all the real things (never mind your roleplay of the evening) the prey needs to be an equal of the predator. You both need to establish mutual respect and that, despite the fact that you are your mate's food, you are also a real person with legitimate concerns. Because lack of respect leads to friction, which leads to fights, which can lead to threats, which can lead again to a bad break-up or a really bad break-up.


Oh, and one point I must emphasize if you are the prey partner in a relationship like this and they are responsible for reforming you. Ahem…




Seriously, I'm floored at the prey that do this, it's just the stupidest relationship decision you can make. They are responsible for keeping you alive after your precarious bedroom play, and you're going to disrespect them in your relationship? Don't be a moron.


One of my mouse friends has in her possession two—two—half-dissolved wedding bands from husbands that refused to understand this rule. The first was a tabby cat who somehow assumed that even if she was the predator in the bedroom, he could order her around and give her the "Make me a sandwich!" treatment until the night that she made him into a sandwich and didn't bring him back. The second was a coyote who mooched off her for a couple years and spent tons of her money on frivolous things, always promising he'd get a job in a little bit until the day she came home early and found him in bed with the wolfess from across the street. My mouse friend may have cried on my couch the evening that it was all over, but keep in mind that was while she was digesting them both.


So seriously, always keep that mutual sense of respect in balance and have a healthy understanding of just how much your predatory mate is doing for you by constantly bringing you back because they love you.


In Summary


Well, that's a basic primer on what to expect when you expect to be eaten. There are actually plenty of other concerns to examine, but this should at least get you thinking beyond just loving the idea of being dinner for someone. I recommend also talking on forums and getting information from actual experienced willing prey and their friends. It's worth it to have the best experience you can, whether it's just the once or time and time again.


Now I have to be going. That otter I met while working on the last column is coming over tonight. Turns out he has a thing for preparation, so I'm going to make some Otter Tartare in a Light Cream Sauce that should be très magnifique! Don't know if this will go anywhere, but right now we're having fun. To the rest of you, good luck finding your match.